Seema’s neice , nidhi, got married on 8th December,09. As this was the first wedding in their family of this generation , shruti and pari are part of this generation ,the preparation had begun quite early . though I was not involved in the preparation directly but I had taken up on myself to see that seema was completely free and attended the wedding the way she wanted and when she wanted.
Tickets were booked 2 months in advance and shruti and pari’s leave applications too were written and sealed before the tickets had arrived
Since the day it was decided that all of us were going to attend this wedding we all were left with many concerns . Shruti’s concern was what will she wear in the wedding , how many clothes will she carry , which colour will look good in the day time and what will be her dress in the evening and how many footwear to carry. Pari had altogether different issues to deal with her concerns were how big her cousins have become and will she have company there to play with, will she get to break mangoes and litchis from the tree. My concern was what will I do going so early and seema’s concerns were all of above and also how will her husband behave in the midst of her family and their relatives whom I had not met till now. Since last 16 years of our wedding this has been her constant fear and a major concern. Incidentally on our 16th wedding anniversary we were to be with all her siblings and relatives first time after our wedding.
Me,and Nidhi had similar worries... how to handle in-laws.
My in-laws are very loving and caring and they express their love n care by feeding me and if I resist then they feed me more . I had learnt what you resist persists from them. I have stopped resisting but their over feeding has persisted . After marriage the new lesson learnt is... you resist or don’t resist the in-laws will persist.
I have always been uncomfortable with my weight and as long as I remember everyday of my life I have been on some diet, without much success though. Imagine the state of a person who is on diet meets up with people who shower their love on him in the form of desi ghee, butter, rasgullas, kachoris, samosas, jalebis and milk malai maarke . I can relate to pari’s fear of getting into pool without knowing to swim and why she cries n howls when her father , mother, grand mother and coach push her from all sides to get into the water.Wish me too could cry and release my fears but any kind of resistence would be disrespect towards my in-laws in seema’s world. My belief is if you cant escape rape then complain about it.....that’s where seema’s concern starts.
Big moment for seema, family, friends, cousins.neighbours and all of their children getting together , time to share love n life once again after long . Somewhere I could sense her fears of me throwing tantrums,getting upset, not behaving well. Seema has failed to see any wrong in her family’s way of loving me...thats how Janwais ought to be treated, she and her family think alike on this issue and if other Janwais in their family don’t mind this then why me. After 16 years staying with me one thing she has become pretty sure of between them and me...Iam wrong and her family is right and it is their right to love me the way they want and any kind of resistance on my part is disrespect. When in their house the right to choose what I eat, when I eat , how much I eat is theirs.
I am not a very social person and when so much of love gets showered on me I get petrified and end up showing my unsocial side and all my efforts to prove them otherwise has not yielded any result and Seema has faced embarrassment on every occasion when I have visited them.
But this time I was determined to bat on the front foot and make up for all the past embarrassments that Seema had faced because of me.
As I mentioned the plans were made months in advance to attend the wedding , I too had started my grooming much earlier , I started making myself strong mentally so that i could accommodate all the love that comes my way. Along with my mental conditioning the urge to look attractive also seeped in and in my quest to look attractive I once again started my diet and went off rice,roti,sugar, sweet etc etc etc. I became a non drinker and non smoker too, totally committed.
For a change this time my diet showed result and people started complementing me on my new found jaw line and there were signs of my chest,abdomen and waist looking separate from each other else from neck to waist I was in one piece. I was loving my newly emerging shape. I was happy and could see how a good physical appearance can make difference to your overall being. The new happy me made a new promise to myself that I will continue with this controlled eating habit for rest of my life and carve a new shape for my body.
As planned we reached Haldwani the wedding place and Seema’s home.
I was in the midst of Seema’s family consisting of her 2 elder sisters, an elder brother, and 2 younger sisters and my mother in-law and their husbands, their chidren and all other relatives that you can think of.
They were all unison this time that pradeep ji has become very weak and Seema has not been taking care of my health and she was reprimanded by all and sundry for being careless.Some even told her to apply desi ghee on rotis and to add desi ghee to everything that i eat and my diet was changed from oats , eggs , grilled meat to samosas, kachoris, jalebis , milk, rice , rotis all topped with dollops of desi ghee. I was committed to Seema having great time without complaining and so I chose to accept all the love and affection that came my way in bowls,plates,glass with desi ghee over flowing.
Attending this wedding got me present to the love and bonding siblings share, after marriage brothers,sisters get separted but they reconnect with each other instantly and start their life from where they had left it before marriage, once again I witnessed Seema reliving her life with all of them, they remembering the jokes, incidents, and events when they were all together and also sharing the achievements of their children and husband and smallest things from their lives.
A wonderful experience of being in the midst of some phenomenal people When i came back and got time to see myself again in front of the mirror I could clearly see the love of my in –laws all over my body. My double chin, my one piece from neck to waist had returned and are still with me.
Waiting for another such moment when I can be similarly committed and can go back to my one successful diet.
