Love of the In-Laws

Seema’s neice , nidhi, got married on 8^th December,09. As this was the first wedding in their family of this generation , shruti and pari are part of this generation ,the preparation had begun quite early . though I was not involved in the preparation directly but I had taken up on myself to see that seema was completely free and attended the wedding the way she wanted and when she wanted.

Tickets were booked 2 months in advance and shruti and pari’s leave applications too were written and sealed before the tickets had arrived

Since the day it was decided that all of us were going to attend this wedding we all were left with many concerns . Shruti’s concern was what will she wear in the wedding , how many clothes will she carry , which colour will look good in the day time and what will be her dress in the evening and how many footwear to carry. Pari had altogether different issues to deal with her concerns were how big her cousins have become and will she have company there to play with, will she get to break mangoes and litchis from the tree. My concern was what will I do going so early and seema’s concerns were all of above and also how will her husband behave in the midst of her family and their relatives whom I had not met till now. Since last 16 years of our wedding this has been her constant fear and a major concern. Incidentally on our 16^th wedding anniversary we were to be with all her siblings and relatives first time after our wedding.

Me,and Nidhi had similar worries... how to handle in-laws.

My in-laws are very loving and caring and they express their love n care by feeding me and if I resist then they feed me more . I had learnt what you resist persists from them. I have stopped resisting but their over feeding has persisted . After marriage the new lesson learnt is... you resist or don’t resist the in-laws will persist.

I have always been uncomfortable with my weight and as long as I remember everyday of my life I have been on some diet, without much success though. Imagine the state of a person who is on diet meets up with people who shower their love on him in the form of desi ghee, butter, rasgullas, kachoris, samosas, jalebis and milk malai maarke . I can relate to pari’s fear of getting into pool without knowing to swim and why she cries n howls when her father , mother, grand mother and coach push her from all sides to get into the water.Wish me too could cry and release my fears but any kind of resistence would be disrespect towards my in-laws in seema’s world. My belief is if you cant escape rape then complain about it.....that’s where seema’s concern starts.

Big moment for seema, family, friends, cousins.neighbours and all of their children getting together , time to share love n life once again after long . Somewhere I could sense her fears of me throwing tantrums,getting upset, not behaving well. Seema has failed to see any wrong in her family’s way of loving me...thats how Janwais ought to be treated, she and her family think alike on this issue and if other Janwais in their family don’t mind this then why me. After 16 years staying with me one thing she has become pretty sure of between them and me...Iam wrong and her family is right and it is their right to love me the way they want and any kind of resistance on my part is disrespect. When in their house the right to choose what I eat, when I eat , how much I eat is theirs.

I am not a very social person and when so much of love gets showered on me I get petrified and end up showing my unsocial side and all my efforts to prove them otherwise has not yielded any result and Seema has faced embarrassment on every occasion when I have visited them.

But this time I was determined to bat on the front foot and make up for all the past embarrassments that Seema had faced because of me.

As I mentioned the plans were made months in advance to attend the wedding , I too had started my grooming much earlier , I started making myself strong mentally so that i could accommodate all the love that comes my way. Along with my mental conditioning the urge to look attractive also seeped in and in my quest to look attractive I once again started my diet and went off rice,roti,sugar, sweet etc etc etc. I became a non drinker and non smoker too, totally committed.

For a change this time my diet showed result and people started complementing me on my new found jaw line and there were signs of my chest,abdomen and waist looking separate from each other else from neck to waist I was in one piece. I was loving my newly emerging shape. I was happy and could see how a good physical appearance can make difference to your overall being. The new happy me made a new promise to myself that I will continue with this controlled eating habit for rest of my life and carve a new shape for my body.

As planned we reached Haldwani the wedding place and Seema’s home.

I was in the midst of Seema’s family consisting of her 2 elder sisters, an elder brother, and 2 younger sisters and my mother in-law and their husbands, their chidren and all other relatives that you can think of.

They were all unison this time that pradeep ji has become very weak and Seema has not been taking care of my health and she was reprimanded by all and sundry for being careless.Some even told her to apply desi ghee on rotis and to add desi ghee to everything that i eat and my diet was changed from oats , eggs , grilled meat to samosas, kachoris, jalebis , milk, rice , rotis all topped with dollops of desi ghee. I was committed to Seema having great time without complaining and so I chose to accept all the love and affection that came my way in bowls,plates,glass with desi ghee over flowing.

Attending this wedding got me present to the love and bonding siblings share, after marriage brothers,sisters get separted but they reconnect with each other instantly and start their life from where they had left it before marriage, once again I witnessed Seema reliving her life with all of them, they remembering the jokes, incidents, and events when they were all together and also sharing the achievements of their children and husband and smallest things from their lives.

A wonderful experience of being in the midst of some phenomenal people When i came back and got time to see myself again in front of the mirror I could clearly see the love of my in –laws all over my body. My double chin, my one piece from neck to waist had returned and are still with me.

Waiting for another such moment when I can be similarly committed and can go back to my one successful diet.

Prince in Udaipur

In November,08 I got an opportunity to visit Udaipur, princely town in Rajasthan for a day and was mesmerised with this quaint little town. The Mewaris are known for their chivalry and honour and I have a mewari, Gajju, to give me this experience everyday in my life.
We had just returned from our Amritsar trip and preparations for udaipur had begun as we landed in mumbai.
Gajju had enticed us, me and Ashish, by booking our air tickets as we were going there to attend his younger brother Manish's wedding, accomodation was taken care of. I had no reason left to miss this wedding, for these very reasons I had missed out on so many weddings in the past.
Ashish had not opened his cards till the last moment and there was an element of doubt, whether he would attend the wedding. After his return from Lahore he had become reclusive for a few days, in the end he chose to come and made up for his isolation by re entering our lives and we were overwhelmed...
We reached udaipur in 3 hours, and headed to Gajju's house. We were welcomed by the women from the Rao clan in a very tradional way by singing songs and Gajju at the entrance taking pictures.
I was not new to such welcome, had experienced this before when I had visited my in-laws for the 1st time after marriage but my reaction was the same... I ran away of embarrassment.
I know that the Rajput women welcomed their men in a similar way on their return from battles they had fought in the glory of Mewar and in my Uttarakhandi tradition when a son in law comes to his sasural or when the newly weds come home, but here the case was neither.Nevertheless the honour was touching.
The house was full of marriage festivity and celebration was all around. Everyone in the house was waiting for the baraat to return, they were all waiting to welcome Manish's bride into the family.
After lunch I and Ashish went to our hotel room, our suite was spacious and panoramic and we experienced being special to Gajju and the Raos. In the evening I and Ashish headed to the Lake Palace and spent couple of hours there. I had never been to any such place before, it is nothing but luxury personified. Its paradise built by Maharana Udai Singh, an oasis in dry Rajasthan. The air in Udaipur exudes romance. I realise why it is the favorite location for marriages.
On our way back we shopped a bit, I paid thrice the price, as the shop wallah was a fan of Ashish.
We reached the wedding reception on time. All the men in the family including me and ashish wore pagdis a rajput tradition and honour. Women had their face covered in ghunghats. I did not dare to ogle at them knowing well any such deed would invite the rajput wrath.
The weather was perfect and I was craving to have a drink but abstained though was offered by few guests.
Ashish was enjoying his moments of being mobbed, being photograhed and annoying me.
After the reception we left to the hotel room and picked up a bottle of Vodka but as Ashish had paid for the bottle he kept it with himself alongwith the tv remote. He robbed me of a great evening in the perfect ambience.
Gajju joined us little later in our room and I quietly listened to their elitist conversation. As Ashish and Gajju were engrossed in their conversation, I could hear Gajju's jubiliation of succesfully playing the role of an elder brother, a son to his parents, a nephew to his numerous uncles and aunts, an uncle to his nephews and nieces, a father and to-be father, a loving and caring husband, an awesome friend and a host to all the invitees, with perfection and elan.
Next morning I and Ashish checked out from the hotel at dawn and met up with Shankar da over breakfast of jalebis, kachoris and poha , raaste ka chai and the early morning bliss that the nature offered.
Travelling with Ashish gives me an opportunity to get present to these real joys of life.
After breakfast I and Ashish parted ways and moved around in the city to do things that we wanted to do, after a brief separation we got together and in this couple of hour he was heavier by 20 kilos, he bought furniture which he will never use and gifts for our people back home. As Ashish was not there the car was with me and for me, I saw the city.
We all met up and headed to the airport to catch our flight back home. Inside the aircraft we were divided in two groups, business and economy and I was in row 26F,I had entrusted Ashish and Gajju to collect my boarding pass.
In Mewar business class travellers are called hukum and I had travelled with my hukums... like a prince.

Goa with Raos

Me and gajju went on a trip to goa in January 2006 on his recommendation
I cannot plan a holiday on my own.Goa was never in my list, it is a place we visit casually and it is the place we have visited the most , so there was all kind of reluctancy and hesitations when Gajju suggested this place , and i later realised his reasons for doing so .
Somehow Gajju and I , the Twain , met and we decided to go to Goa.
In todays time , you are considered a good , responsible, loving family man,only if you take your family out 3 to 4 times in a year on vacation , whether you can afford it or not . I fall short of this consistently year after year . I wanted to be as good as Gajju and so was catching on the opportunity and had agreed to spend obscene amount of money on a Goa trip.
Bookings were done by Gajju with our constant reminders to keep the budget in mind .
My constant cribbing for budgetted holiday must have been difficult on Gajju but he had committed and was not in a position to fall short of his commitment .." as they say ' looking good makes you powerless' and Gajju LOOKED GOOD ".
Both me and Gajju tried persuading our friend Ashish to join us but he didnot. We without Ashish are incomplete but for Ashish to travel with us... he has to plan it, he doesn't believe in following on others plan.
The Raos reached the airport good 45 minutes after us and made us understand that they were the seasoned travellers and we were lesser than that .
But we were committed to have fun , as we were spending a lot of money , so we enjoyed those 45 minutes having fun with each other , inspite of all the anxiety of being ticketless at the airport and the fear of we missing the flight .
The Raos emerged and the size of their bags was another proof of us being lesser travellers , our bags were smaller and qualified to be carried as cabin baggage , we were carrying the bare essentials for a 3 day stay and they were carrying stuff with which they could settle down in Goa for good .
Looking at our bags ,anyone would have said we were travelling separately and were heading for different places , else how would one justify two families going to the same place , same number of days but so different baggages .Another proof of we being lesser travellers and under prepared for our vacation .I looked at Seema and thought , ' only if she had the wisdom that Beba had '.
I was sure the Raos are going to have more fun then us , they came late , they had bigger bags and were so casual in their behaviour . Travelling by plane and being at the airport was like going to bus stop and catching a BEST bus for them, yeh nahin toh doosri le lenge , unlike us , it was a major event in our lives , there was excitement , adventure and we were cherishing every moment of it .
Their entry was like, nothing short of , Page 3 personality and we were the ones who read them and see them on Page 3 and we were delighted being with them for the next 3 days and will get a glimpse of their lifestyle .
To prove my reach in Goa i had instructed my friend Girish to receive us at the airport and if possible to arrange a vehicle for us at the airport .
But my middle class values got another pleasant surprise , Gajju had arranged for a SUV and had people holding placards with our names on it .Girish and his indica went unnoticed. .
Seema and kids too hopped into the SUV . They were too attracted to good things Gajju was providing .So human .
There were certain things Gajju was very clear of :
First----- no travel by cheap airlines or train
Second---- no stay in ordinary hotels
Third------ holidays should not have any budget.
After 45 minutes drive from the airport we reached Calngute and started our search for CSM - Colonia Santa Maria . A boutique hotel with a beach.
All of us liked the place and were unanimous that we stay there.
Gajju , inspite of referring his numerous stay in this hotel , could not manage to get us a room .
At last, my friend Girish was of some value to us and he managed to get us a room in another hotel but in the same compound and of the same ambience . His being local came handy as the girl at the reservations could relate with him and considered us living in midst of white skinned foreigners.
The hotels in Goa are not comfortable with people who swim in their pools or beaches with their salwar kameez , denims and tees , kurtas or in their 3/4th pants and for most of us these are swimming costumes . We believe in over dressing whether its pool or wedding. Anyways , the kids were excited they were getting to play in the pool , beach and the sea. Women were happy to see shapely men for a change and their glee was so evident , despite their best attempt to hide it .I was overjoyed seeing my family happy .
Gajju had his past experience about the place and so was keen on staying there. Another thing that I noticed as we entered CSM was , Gajju hiding himself behind dark sunglasses so that his other reasons for staying there got camouflaged and could not be read by others.
WE all entered the allotted room with our luggage . The cottage had two rooms . a bedroom and a sitting room. I was delighted that we were saving money and were also to stay together.
My happiness shortlived , Gajju organized a better and bigger room and that too in CSM the next day at some distance so that we could not see them , hear them and disturb them .
Gajju’s perception of holidaying together was to meet occasionally , staying separately ,and eating separately . Live separately and Let Live separately .
He would have had his way but Bhai was a spoil sport in his scheme of things , Bhai wanted to have all the fun with Shruti and Pari ..
Our next three days were very memorable , kids were having loads of fun , women were relaxing ,Gajju had hired a masseur permanently . All of us meeting at the breakfast buffet as it was the cheapest option to eat to your hearts content .
Gajju spent most of his time on the beach wearing his dark sun glass and seeing the kids play in sand and water and giving us instructions in between to take care of the kids without getting up from the bed laid on the beach , else he would have missed out observing the scantily dressed women thru the lens of his sun glass . This observation was an occupational necessity for him , you never know when a creative person might have to recreate the previous experiences and observations. It was a forbidden fruit for me though.
We were having great fun in our respective ways . On the third day of our stay we decided to cut short our trip and return back against the wishes of Bhai ,Shruti and Pari.
Gajju made few frantic calls to his agent for air tickets , the cost at which he organized those tickets are only known to him and I have not asked him about it till date. My middle class values have taught me not to practice certain virtues if they cost you .
In the end it was a wonderful holiday for me as I remember every moment of it even after 2 years.
I have forgotten the money spent but the memories of this vacation all of us will cherish eternally .




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